she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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