Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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