Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
