Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
