we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
