I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
