Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
two words: eviction party
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i drank out of a bidet.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
