if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
