White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
