Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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