Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
