Pants 0. Shit 1.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.