he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you