Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
