dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
