So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize