They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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