dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
