Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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