that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
