Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
