its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
