The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Damn victory sex feels great
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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