I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
