You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
