she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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