All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
