So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
