I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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