please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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