You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
