Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
