I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
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he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
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I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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