We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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