man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
