My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
