Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
