So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Randomize
