Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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