i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
