My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
