4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize