I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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