i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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