how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
