Quick, to the slutcave!
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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