Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
