Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
no you cant smoke seaweed
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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