i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
