I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Help. Why am I so naked?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
