I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
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I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
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so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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