How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
foreskin is a definite game changer
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
