He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
