i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
