If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
