I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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