My first STD was from a foam party
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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