Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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