So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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