Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
