I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
