Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
