Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
