if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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