New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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