What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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