gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
