I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
