i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
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