She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
So here I am, sexting at work.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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