She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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