hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
