my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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