I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
