so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
